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Roula Khalaf, Editor of the FT, selects her favourite stories in this weekly newsletter.
Dear {LastName}, or can we call you {FirstName}?
Quality research can be a true differentiator for clients, particularly in unpredictable markets.
That’s why the 2025 All-Europe Extel Survey matters here at Alphaville LLC. Your feedback enables us to better achieve performance targets, if not for our current employer then for the next.
Alphaville LLC analysts have been working tirelessly all year to cultivate their investor networks by promising company access, sharing insights and memes on Whatsapp, and occasionally publishing research. The thought leadership shown on myriad themes such as Greenland, Trump Media & Technology Group and Greenland has set an agenda.
If you agree that Alphaville LLC was once again your guiding star in these unpredictable markets, please consider voting for us.
We don’t want to beg, but we’ll beg.
An Extel ranking is all we have left. We’re trapped in an IPO deadzone between Eliot Spitzer’s ghost and the zombified corpse of Mifid II. Prime broking won’t answer our calls. Wealth management has a spam-filter for our emails. Direct commissions can’t even cover software costs. Our version of Word360 is from Piratebay and has an advert for a crypto exchange where the Microsoft logo should be. It’s surely not SYSC 13.7 complaint.
They used to call equity analysts rockstars. Now they call us a marketing expense. Based on Q1 numbers we’re being cross-subsidised by the canteen. The closest we can get to respect in these unpredictable markets is with a top-three ranking and an evening at the Hilton so come on, {FirstName}, do your bit. It’s just one form, for god’s sake.
Alphaville LLC appreciates your support. The sun is going down and we’re getting cold.
Further reading:
— Alphaville LLC in the news
